I hope the time between September 2011 and September 2021 has proven to be enlightening. I’d like to think that it couldn’t possibly be worse than your 20s were, but I can think of a few things that could have gone wrong. If you’re reading this, I am proud that you survived a zombie apocalypse.
It would be lovely to know that you are happy. That’s all I could ever ask for. I hope you are not bitter and jaded and that you have grown as a person. If you are bitter and jaded, what the ef is your problem? You used to be an optimistic person. Get over yourself and move on. Knowing how strong you are, I don’t fear that you have wandered too far from the person you were in 2011, but having to blow your friend’s head off after they turn into a zombie is heart wrenching. I just assume this would be the only real reason to have such a rough exterior. You’re not the kind of person to have weakling friends though. Whose head did you have to blow off?
You are the product of a good family and good friends. I hope you have passed on all that you have learned to new friends and possible minions. I don’t want to make you feel bad if you STILL haven’t gotten your master’s or squeezed out/adopted a chid. (I hope you still say chid.) Those are things that you really wanted, and you should have accomplished them by now slacker. I know you kept running into life situations in your 20s that prevented you from reaching your goals, but i thought you became more resilient having to deal with all that crap. Oh, I won't make you feel any worse. If you got married, that’s cool. I hope this person changed your mind about marriage or at least has boatloads of money but not the sense to sign a prenup. If you’re in love or whatever, good for you. If you are divorced now or on your 3rd or even 4th marriage....I hope you wrote a book because that crap has got to be funny. Like Brittany Spears Vegas marriage Funny. Not Federline marriage funny. That would be sad and I do not feel sorry for you if you married someone comparable to Federline. How is Brittany doing these days? Still crazy? I hope so.
I trust that you have many more goals set up for your 40s. It's getting too late to squeeze out a chid of your own, so you better go to some poor country to find some random chid on the street. They'll just love to come back to America with you so you don't need to go through any legal crap. Then again if that crazy Bachmann lady became president and destroyed the economy with her right wing, tea party agenda...maybe the chid will be better off living with chickens. She has crazy eyes. I doubt Bachmann survived the apocalypse. Secret service men are not trained to deal with zombies.
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| Seee....CRAZY eyes! |
If you didn’t find any of this the least bit amusing, I don’t even want to know what I have become. If I brought up awful, and sad memories of the zombie apocalypse, I apologize. At least you’re still sexy. Oh...you are. I have faith that 40 year old Jill is damn sexy!
Sincerely,
Just a few days shy of 30 Year Old Jill
Best. Letter. Ever.
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